You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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