You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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