we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
