This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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