East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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