i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
