I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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