Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
