a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
