My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
