There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
soo... how was my night?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
