thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
whose parrot is this?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
