he wants to bone in the snuggie
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
