I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
handjob tips. give me some.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
