I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
