The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
