he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
