does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
