I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
At least life still wants to fuck me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
