Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
