everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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