saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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