I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I could fuck to npr.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
