i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
