hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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