I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
