You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
And then he peed in my hair
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