No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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