I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
