I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
