I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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