Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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