I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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