Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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