You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
