Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
