So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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