how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
