Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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