A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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