i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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