Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
