If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
