This is not my ceiling
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
what day is it and did you see me today?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I want a musical about memes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
