3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
