She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
