literally had 100 drinks last night.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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