Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
