My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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