haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
