I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
