people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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