But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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